Adventures in Parenting: A commentary on soothers.

Before we had our first baby, I decided I was never going to give him a soother. I'm not exactly sure why I started my adventures in parenting as anti-soother but I did.

Less than a day after Patrick was born, I wanted him to have a soother. He was born with a huge need to suck, and having a soother made him a happier kid. At first we let him have the soother all the time, whenever he wanted it. Slowly, rules were set that the soother (which we called a buppy - Shauns family called soothers buppies) was only to be in his mouth when he was in bed/nap, in the van for long trips, or when he was really sick.

It became aparent as he aged that giving up the buppy was going to be a battle. So, we decided it would be his choice. We did lots of talking about giving it up, etc, and eventually set the ultimatum at loosing his first tooth when it would have to be gone as we didn't want any damage to his permanant teeth.

It was a long battle, but shortly after he turned 5 we finally convinced him to give them to the 'buppy fairy' who would take them to babies and leave him a gift for being so generous in sharing. Although he was happy with this idea, and loved his gift, it was quite a few weeks before he stopped asking for his buppy before bed.

With Kathryn, I wanted her to have a soother. We decided to call hers a NUK because we were hoping to get rid of Patrick's before she was too old (HA!). Kathryn didn't want a soother at first. I was her soother. Eventually we convinced her to take one. In retrospect I can't remember why we really wanted her to have one, but probably because she was so attached to nursing and I really needed some space. The same rules emerged and she still has hers for bedtime with the knowledge that she will have to give it up when she has her first loose tooth... that is when the NUK fairy will visit and give her a gift as well.

I fully expected William to be a soother baby. I even bought him soothers before he was born and took them, clean and sterilized, to the hospital with me. At first it appeared he wanted to be a soother baby, but couldn't keep the darn thing in his mouth. After much searching we found "gumdrop soothers" which he took to very quickly and they did help him to get to sleep.

For the past few weeks I have known these soothers were now too small. Each day he was seeming to have more and more difficulty keeping it in his mouth. When he was trying to fall asleep, he'd suck a bit, then try to make 'happy baby noises' and it would fall out and he would be very sad. Or he'd happily be sucking on it, and then rub his face (he seems to need to rub his face before he falls asleep) and he'd knock it out and be histerical. We were spending more and more time hanging over the crib holding the soother in and re-pluging it over and over before he would fall asleep for his nap. It was getting frustrating.

I decided we could try bigger soothers and yesterday I bought some regular orthotic 6-18M soothers. At first he was really into it. And then, he was not. He did not want this new soother, and the old soother was just too small for him to keep in his mouth (it was 0-3M).

So today, I decided we would have to give it up cold turkey.

This is a day I thought I would never experience. I honestly thought he would follow the same path as the first two. However, naptimes became a crazy battle of wanting the soother in his mouth but being unable to keep it there.... it was time.

I am amazed with him though. The first nap we had to let him cry a bit... maybe 10 minutes, probably less. I didn't actually time it but time does seem to go so very slowly when the baby is sad. He wasn't histerical, just not used to falling asleep without something in his mouth. But he did fall asleep on his own and actually had a really long nap (we are used to 20 to 40 minute naps) and woke up so very very happy! He was then up for a very long time (we are used to him being up only 1-1.5 hours at a time).

When it was time for his next nap (he was doing his usual "i'm sleepy" routine), I put him down in the usual mannor, without the soother. He was upset and confused and cried, for about 5 minutes, and then was able to fall asleep on his own and is having another really good nap!!

I've done more reading than usual about sleep for William than I did for the other two. He seemed stuck at the '45 minute nap' which is where a lot of babies get stuck. Apparently around 40 minutes, they enter a state of lighter sleep and are unable to get back to deep sleep and wake up. This is, in retrospect, probably because of the soother. I am very hopeful now that we may actually be able to get him onto a 2-3 nap day. Although the flexibility of a 5-6 nap day was nice (we didn't mind him napping-in-the-go while we ran errands or were at other people's houses), I know that a predictible and routine schedule really is better for everyone.