Of Buppies and Buppy Fairies
Patrick was only 1 day old in the hospital when we figured out he had a strong need to suck. I was sore and cracked/bleeding so we gave him a soother. He was instantly attached to it and it did the trick of keeping him calm and happy.
Patrick ended up being bottle fed, not because he had a soother - I think he would have sucked on anything - but because I was so sore/cracked/bleeding that I refused to let him back on. Once he got a feel for bottles, he was happy, and so were we (although I had lingering guilt about not breastfeeding).
Patrick continued to be very much attached to his soother. It brought him comfort and security. We rarely allowed him to have it out in public after he turned a year old and made rules about it being used only for bed/nap and in the van on long trips.
We'd been talking to him for a couple of years about it being time for him to give up his buppy. I understood his reservations - after all, it would be like giving up his teddy bear or favourite blanket. He used it to fall asleep and it brought him comfort and security. By this time, he was only keeping it in his mouth for maybe half an hour total every day as it was too small and after he was alseep it fell right out. In the morning, he'd pop it back in long enough to walk to the kitchen and put it in the sink.
We told him about the Buppy fairy in hopes it would encourage him to give it up. The Buppy Fairy comes in the night and takes all your buppies/soothers/nuks/mouth appliances from under your pillow and gives them to children who don't have any. In return for your generosity, she leaves you a gift of thanks. Most of the Buppy Fairy stories I've heard involve hanging the soothers in a bag in a tree outside... but we were happy to adopt the under-the-pillow idea as it is easier. Patrick liked the idea of the Buppy Fairy but wasn't ready.
We upped the pressure a little bit when he started to sprout his first adult tooth. Although we wanted him to be the one to agree to be done with buppies, we really did want him to be done before his adult teeth came in. I had read somewhere recently in one of my parenting books that most children willingly give up soothers/sucking their thumb by 6. I was hopeful Patrick would as well. Despite our concerns about his teeth, we refused to demand he give up his soother. It needed to be his choice.
I have a real issue with parents who decide one random day that it is time for their child to be done with their soother. Usually there is no real reason except the parent thinking 'its time'. Its not really fair to the child, afterall it was the parent that introduced the soother, likely to help the child learn to sooth itself or keep it quiet. Again, its like telling your child you're going to throw out their favourite teddy bear, or blanket. Kids grow attached to things that bring them comfort and as adults we need to be sensitive to that. Once you have given your child something, you really need to let it be their decision unless its causing ill-harm, and even then, you should do your best to reason with the child to make them understand, and offer an alternative if necessary, that won't cause the same harm.
Patrick had not been ready to give up his buppy - until yesterday! Yesterday he decided that he would put all his buppies under his pillow that night so he could get a present from the buppy fairy. We were so proud of him!
Throughout the day, and especially before bed we ensured he understood what a visit from the buppy fairy meant - that he would never again have a buppy. He understood and eagerly put all of his buppies under his pillow before bed.
And sure enough, sometime in the night, the buppy fairy came and took his buppies and left him a Wii game as a gift of thanks.
This morning he woke up at 7. I heard him because I was already awake with Mr. W, so I went in to see if he'd looked under his pillow yet. He hadn't! But with a little prodding and encouragement he had a look - he was convinced his buppies would still be there - and was quite excited when it was Mario Galaxy II for the Wii instead! I took the wrapping off so he could read the instruction booklet, and promptly at 7:30 he marched down to the living room to try it out (he knows he's not alowed to get up till 7:30).
And now he and Shaun are playing it!
I'm so proud of my big boy for making such a huge decision and following thru on it. He's growing up fast!
2 comments:
i agree with you totally. kids should to be the ones who no longer need or want the things that give them comfort. Poor ted is on his last legs and he now stays at home (most of the time) so that she doesn't lose him. He's very important to her. She also sucks her thumb. She's done this since birth. I know that she'll stop one day, but she only does it when she's tired. Quinn has a buppy or suss, as we call it. Again, it's only for naps and bedtime, and the odd time he's not feeling well. He'll pitch it when he doesn't need it anymore. I have no concerns or hangups about sercurity items, so long as the child can function for the most part without it. Kids who constantly have a suss in their mouth and talk threw it, bothers my slightly, first you can't understand the child when they talk and second, past a certain age, they don't need the constant comfort, that are mature enough to find other things to play with, or what have you. I hope one day the suss fairy will visit our house, but it's fine if it's not tonight, tomorrow, or even next month.
Kris, I completely agree about the limit-setting aspect of it as well. I don't agree with older kids having them whenever they want... I think setting limits and rules is part of the weaning process as well, and definetly our job as parents. I think parents that do that mindful of their children's needs are on the right path to encourging kids to eventually give it up on their own.
Post a Comment